Day 11 - Feeling Broken

Weight 183.2
BP 138/88

"The spirit, the will to win, the will to endure - these qualities are much more important than the actual events that occur."

Day 11 is quite difficult for me.  Mentally, I'm starting to get a bit shaky.  The constant assault of delicious looking and smelling food all around me is driving me quite mad.  Foods that I normally wouldn't even care much about are calling to me and my will power is being tested.  It's strange how it hit me all at once today.  I began to ask myself questions like, "Why am I doing this to myself - again?" and "Why can't I just have a little bit of the yummy stuff?"

At the same time, the foods that I have been eating and enjoying have all just become utterly disgusting and repulsive.  I changed the water in my clam cooler today and it was really gross.  The clams must filter out a lot of crap (literally) and it's making me wonder if I should ever eat them.  There were a couple dead ones in the cooler which made everything smell badly.  Hopefully the fresh bucket of water will cleanse the ones that are still alive.

I'm totally off my mental game and I think all I need is a big juicy hamburger to get back on track.  Ha!  Seriously though, read what happened to me this morning...

I was rushing to get ready for work and I quickly cooked a soft boiled egg and ate it as I was going out the door.  It was delicious - cooked the same exact way I have been cooking my eggs recently.  However, I didn't drink any water after eating it and I got right into my truck and headed to work.  Because I didn't wash it down fully, the soft yolk probably got stuck to my esophagus a little and I started to get a very strange gaggy feeling in the back of my mouth and throat.  I repeatedly tried to swallow but it felt as if something was preventing me.  All of a sudden I felt a surge of vomit saliva flow into my mouth.  It all happened so fast but I clearly recognized the signs of the nausea cycle beginning.  Luckily I had a bucket right next to me in the truck and while driving I grabbed the bucket and did the P-MAV.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the P-MAV, it stands for the "Peterson Method to Avoid Vomiting" and it was invented by your's truly.  I'm not going to go into too much detail about it here but if you're interested in learning more about the P-MAV you can go to Amazon and get a P-MAV manual (link/plug).  On a positive note I was able to avoid vomiting completely and as an added bonus I was able to collect a saliva sample in my bucket for the lab to analyze.  When I got to work I mailed it off to the lab for testing.

Back to the cause - This response came on literally within 20 seconds of eating the egg so I'm 100% sure it was not a 'bad egg' - the taste, smell and feel were all normal.  Something in the stickiness of the yolk attaching to my throat elicited a response in my body to go into emergency mode.  The entire event was quite harmless and it was all over in a matter of two minutes.  It was interesting and hopefully we'll get some more information from the lab results.  I think if I had simply washed the egg down with some water, none of this would have happened.

For lunch I had a single asparagus and some broccoli rabe with a couple pieces of smoked trout.  My supplies are running short so I have to keep my head in the game and figure out a way to restock.  I am off from work tomorrow so I better get my act together by then.  Mentally, I am just very down on the SDC right now.  Temptations to cheat are everywhere and other than the potential health benefits there's nothing else that's really motivating me to continue.  I wish that there was some kind of activity or food to look forward to.  The saying, "variety is the spice of life" has a very profound meaning to me now.  I feel like I don't have anything cool or interesting on my short term time horizon and it's getting me down in the dumps.  Sorry I have not photos or videos of me sitting at my desk at work today being a lump.  Have I mentioned that I'm struggling a little today?

I don't think this is going to 'cure' anything, but my depressed mood led me to think about taking a quick weekend trip to Florida.  I have a couple free days next week and there's a small window of opportunity that I may be able to take advantage of.  I was thinking about all of the different fish species that are available down in the Keys and how wonderful it would be to get some variety.  I might just do it.